As a result, you may struggle to find the support network that you need. While there’s no easy solution to this problem, many recovering addicts deal with it by doing damage control. Isolation during recovery can easily lead to relapse, and the key is to find ways to deal with feelings of loneliness without letting them destroy all your hard work.

If you’re worried that you may face isolation during the early stages of your recovery, keep these ideas in mind.

Make Your Own Community

Many addicts feel that if they could only find a warm and understanding community, then they would have no difficulty in their recovery. Having a support network means that you never have to keep your feelings bottled up inside, and you always have someone to talk to when you feel one of those moments of weakness coming on. Fear that one will be unable to find this community is what stops many people from getting needed addiction treatment.

Finding a community that you feel a part of can be challenging. Recovery support groups are an incredible resource for many people, but not everyone is going to click with their group. Even if you give it your best effort, there’s no guarantee that your group meetings are going to feel welcoming week in and week out.

If you reach this point, you might want to single out a few people in your group whom you can imagine being friends with and make an effort to talk to them one on one. If things go well, it could develop into a small community outside of 12-Step meetings.

If these steps fail, consider going online and participating in addiction support forums. There are some very welcoming and thriving addiction support communities online. If you don’t find one that you like, then you might consider starting your own or even just writing a public blog about your struggles through recovery

Reconnect With Loved Ones

In recovery, you’ll want to avoid friends who are still abusing drugs or alcohol, and for many addicts this leads to a significant net loss in friends. As a result, this might be a good time to reconnect with people from whom you may have distanced yourself during your addiction. Maybe you have siblings you don’t talk to very often, or perhaps you have some sober friends who haven’t played a big role in your life for some time. It can’t hurt to give these people a call and catch up.

It can be tricky reconnecting with loved ones. Some may have feelings of bitterness toward you for losing touch with them and allowing your addiction to control your life. If any of your old friends or loved ones have trouble letting you back into their lives, try to understand where they’re coming from. Be gently persistent without forcing a relationship upon them. Call when you say you’re going to call, and keep touching base with them from time to time.

One of the great things about recovery is that Facebook and other social networking services give us an easy, no-pressure way to connect and stay in touch with our old friends and loved ones. If someone you care about is a little standoffish toward you right now, you can use your social networking connection to demonstrate that you are staying healthy and committed to living a positive life in the long term. If they’re continuously aware of your presence online and you are clearly not abusing drugs or alcohol, they’ll be more likely to warm up to you.  

Dating in Recovery

Most addiction treatment specialists recommend against dating during the first year of recovery. Some people break this rule and do fine, but the potential dangers are too great to risk it. The fact is that most relationships don’t last, and dealing with the emotional ups and downs of a failed relationship and the subsequent break-up can be enough to drive even the strongest recovering addict to relapse.

During the first year of recovery, you’ll want to avoid emotional volatility as much as possible. And because new relationships are one of the biggest sources of emotional volatility, they should be out of the question for now.

Even when you’re facing loneliness, it’s best not to give in to the temptation during these early stages. A new relationship will only pull you out of yourself during this time when you should be focusing on finding your personal path. Try to embrace being single for now.

Find Your Own Path

Even if you take all the appropriate measures for avoiding isolation in early recovery, you’ll probably feel alone a lot of the time. This is simply due to the fact that recovery is ultimately a self-guided process. You get help from your treatment professionals and community, but you’re the one who has to do the soul-searching and make changes. Thus, recovery is an inherently lonely process, and it’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

During these first months of recovery, you should be doing everything you can to stand on your own feet and find a path to a healthier and happier life. For this to be sustainable, it needs to be self-guided and self-built. Most friends and family mean well, but they can also have an influence that you might not necessarily want as you’re trying to find your path. Now is the time to take your own counsel and to follow where your heart leads you. It’s important to have support, but in the end, your recovery is about you.

But the fact that relapse is so common is no reason to accept it. People who relapse often end up getting hooked to drugs or alcohol to a greater degree than ever before, and they sometimes end up losing their jobs, relationships, families or even their lives. It’s not to be taken lightly. Every recovering addict should be aware of the dangers of relapse and have a plan for dealing with those inevitable moments of temptation.

Recognize the Warning Signs

During recovery it’s essential to be honest with yourself every step of the way. If you’re having cravings, there’s no need to deny or repress them. Cravings are just a part of the process, and while they will eventually become less frequent, you’ll probably experience them from time to time for the rest of your life. The key is to acknowledge them openly so that you can fortify your will until they pass – and they always do pass. 

If you find yourself experiencing any of the following symptoms, talk to your sponsor, therapist or drug rehab support or alumni group immediately.

·        Loss of motivation for recovery: If you suddenly feel that attending your meetings is not worth the effort, then something has gone wrong in the recovery process. Go back through what you’ve learned in your recovery and try to identify where the process has failed.

·        High stress: Many people resort to drugs or alcohol when faced with stressful situations. For people who are new to recovery, it may be years since they’ve faced a stressful situation sober. In this precarious moment, make sure you’re staying positive.

·        Denial: If your recovery has hit a rough patch but you deny that it’s occurring, this may cause you to bottle up your feelings, which can come back to hurt you later on. It’s important to be open about how you feel and to be willing to discuss it with others.

·        Social withdrawal: Social isolation and secretive behaviors are common leading up to a relapse. Try to keep your communication pathways open, and keep talking to the people supporting your recovery even when it’s hard to do so.

·        Loss of control: Do you have trouble making healthy decisions, or do you find yourself making irrational choices that go against your recovery? If so, try to be mindful of these things so they don’t lead to bigger problems.

·        Temptation: Many relapses start out small, with the addict feeling that he or she can handle, say, one drink at a party. Remember that you have a disease and no matter how strong your will, you probably won’t stop after just one. If your thoughts of drinking or doing drugs become obsessive, talk about it with your therapist, doctor or sponsor.

Avoid People and Situations that Lead to Relapse

In recovery, you’ll hear about the importance of avoiding triggers. For example, if watching sports has always made you feel like drinking, then you might want to avoid watching sports until you’re further along in your recovery. Similarly, there may be certain people and places that you associate with your life of drinking or drug use, and these should be avoided until you’re in a better mental state. 

While it’s always a good idea to avoid triggers early in the recovery process, this is far from the complete picture. After all, addiction comes from within, and these triggers are just external phenomena that cause the internal disease to flare up. In fact, many addicts find that avoiding triggers doesn’t work because new triggers are always waiting in the wings to replace the old ones.

In the end, the changes must come from inside yourself. If a trigger does arise, you must have a strategy to get through the situation without breaking down and having a relapse. And triggers will arise – you’ll run into old drinking or drugging buddies, you’ll find yourself in situations where you used to drink, you’ll experience emotional volatility, you’ll encounter stress, and so on. Recovery is all about moving toward an emotional place where you can encounter triggers without giving in to your disease. The Twelve Steps are designed to help you with this.

Move Forward with a Positive Attitude

It’s important to accept that there are going to be moments of weakness in which you feel on the verge of relapse. These moments are a normal part of recovery. The good news is that every time you make it through one of these moments, this small personal triumph will strengthen your recovery. Eventually, you’ll find that they happen less and less often.

There are different strategies for dealing with these difficult moments, but the most important thing is to keep moving forward. Sitting at home and brooding over your temptation is not going to help. Get out and do something. Call a supportive friend, do something creative, get some exercise – whatever works for you. Do whatever it takes to move beyond that moment.

Telling recovering addicts to have a positive attitude is always a little silly, because of course we would all have positive attitudes all the time if it were really that simple. But it’s something that needs to be emphasized again and again. Try to avoid wallowing in depression and self-pity, and if your negative feelings start to get the best of you, call your therapist or sponsor.

Have a Plan for Dealing with Temptation

Aside from avoiding triggers and watching for relapse warning signs, you might consider formulating a relapse prevention plan to help keep yourself moving forward with a positive attitude when your addiction rears its head. Some recovering addicts find that living a structured and ordered life helps. Schedule your daily routine to make sure that you always have something to do, and give yourself plenty of time for things like hobbies and exercise.

Finally, make sure you have someone you can call whenever you feel weak, at any time of the day or night. This could be your Twelve Step sponsor, someone from a drug rehab alumni group, a therapist, or a trusted friend or family member. Make it explicit with this person; tell them that you are going to call them whenever your temptation becomes strong, and keep your word.

Sadly, because children of addicts often don’t know whom to turn to with their problems – and many don’t even realize until later on that their lives aren’t normal – they’re the most frequently underserved group when it comes to providing services for family members of addicts. Even when addicted parents seek treatment, it’s too often assumed that the children have been unaffected by the addiction.

But nothing could be further from the truth, as children of addicts commonly grow up with a range of problems that can have lasting negative impacts on their lives.

The Long-Term Effects of a Parent’s Addiction

Even when they grow up to be relatively healthy adults, people who were raised in households with addicted parents tend to exhibit certain qualities. If you’re a teenaged or adult child of an addict, you may recognize these qualities in yourself:

·        Children of alcoholics and addicts often feel responsible for their parents’ troubles. Even when they know on an intellectual level that they weren’t the root cause of a parent’s problems, it can be difficult to shake the feelings of guilt and shame, and this can carry over into all aspects of life.

·        Due to a lack of positive adult role models, children of addicts often struggle to figure out what it means to be a “normal” adult, and they may struggle to identify moral principles to guide their lives.

·        Children of alcoholics and addicts may feel an all-encompassing sense of bitterness and anger toward the world, which makes them cynical and prone to negativity.

·        Children of addicts may have missed out on many of the fun experiences of a normal childhood. As a result, they often have difficulty loosening up and enjoying themselves as adults.

·        Children of alcoholics and addicts are often withdrawn and quiet as a result of years of staying out of their parents’ way and keeping to themselves.

·        Children of addicts develop defense mechanisms for dealing with their parents’ emotional inconsistency, so they often grow into emotionally reserved adults who are uncomfortable sharing their feelings.

·        They are often insecure and tend to seek approval from others.

·        Because households affected by addiction often use lying as a way to avoid conflict and protect family members, grown-up children of addicts are comfortable lying even in situations where it’s unnecessary.

Understanding Your Parent’s Addiction

Children of addicts often develop feelings of anger and resentment toward their parents. Reflecting on a troubled childhood, you may view your parents’ behaviors as unforgivably selfish and irresponsible. While these feelings are understandable, and you may have good cause to be angry, we must remember that addiction is a disease, and that addicts can’t choose their predisposition any more than they can choose the color of their eyes.

In addiction recovery, the first of the Twelve Steps has alcoholics and addicts admit that they are powerless over drugs and that their lives have become unmanageable as a result. While this may seem like a simple enough admission, many addicts take years or even decades to reach a point where they can accept this reality.

Some people must hit rock bottom before they can come to terms with the fact that they need help. And when an addict has never hit rock bottom, he may convince himself that he is capable of raising children without having to give up his addiction. Unfortunately, the turning point often comes long after kids have already been in the picture.

Forgiving Your Parents, Not Blaming Yourself

In the end, it’s up to each individual to decide whether to forgive a parent for their addiction and all the things that go along with addiction. And just as it may take an addict years to reach a turning point and seek drug treatment, it can take children of addicts a long time to forgive their parents and let go of that bitterness. Even if your parent has sought addiction treatment and is on the path to a better life, it may be some time before you can let those negative feelings go and learn to trust her for perhaps the first time in your life.

Your parent’s recovery program will encourage her to take personal inventory of her past wrongs and to mend them wherever possible. Whether or not your parent comes to you to apologize, now is the time for you to accept that you were just as much a victim of her disease as she was. Kids of addicts too often blame themselves for the troubles in the household, and it can be hard to shake these feelings, but it is something we must do.

The National Association for Children of Alcoholics has created seven Cs for children of addicts:

·        You didn’t Cause it.

·        You can’t Cure it.

·        You can’t Control it.

·        You can Care for yourself by Communicating your feelings,

·        making healthy Choices, and

·        by Celebrating yourself.

Internalizing these simple statements lays the groundwork for your own recovery from your parent’s addiction. As difficult as it may be, it’s important to free yourself from all blame and to allow yourself to lead a positive life.

Help for Addicts and Their Children

If your addicted parent has not yet sought drug or alcohol treatment, you’re not powerless. Addicts can be stubborn, and when you combine this with many parents’ reluctance to take advice from their children, getting your parent to seek treatment without the aid of others can be challenging.

That’s why it sometimes helps to get together with other family members to create a strategy for getting your parent into treatment. If you’re able to recruit several close family members and friends for your cause, you might want to look into staging an addiction intervention.

Meanwhile, don’t neglect yourself. If you’re having trouble getting over the emotional effects of your parent’s addiction, you might want to consider joining an Al-Anon or Alateen group. These meetings will allow you to hear from and share your experiences with others in your situation, and will help equip you with the emotional tools you need to move on and live a happy and healthy life.

Many people start using drugs because they feel incapable of enjoying life the way that others do. Activities that are supposed to be fun seem hollow and meaningless. Drinking or using drugs becomes a way to feel normal, and over time an alcoholic can forget how to feel good without this crutch.

As a result, many newly sober people view the early weeks and months of recovery with dread. They’ve never felt good without alcohol in the past, so how can they expect to feel good now? But with the help of a recovery program, people can change these patterns and start having fun without using chemicals.

Can Sobriety Be Fun?

While many recovering addicts get tired of everyone telling them to “have a positive attitude” (as if this is easy), the triteness of this advice shouldn’t discount it. For the long-time addict or alcoholic, there’s something inherently noble and adventurous about getting sober, and sobriety can be fun if you think of it as fresh approach to life. Every day is new, and each day that you go without using drugs brings you into undiscovered territory.

Of course, these positive thoughts aren’t going to prevent you from having those moments where thoughts of drinking creep into your mind. At these moments, it’s important to at least go through the motions of having fun. Many recovering alcoholics and addicts find that if they just keep moving forward during these moments, the cravings fade, and a good mood soon catches up.

Being Social Without Using

In recovery, you’re going to hear a lot about the importance of avoiding the friends you used to drink or use drugs with. Sadly, even if you’ve been friends with someone since childhood, if they’re unwilling to go along with you on the path to sobriety, then the friendship has to end here. If they choose to get sober in the future, that may be a different story. But for now, it’s too dangerous to hang out with drinkers and drug users.

Being in recovery may seem like a drag at first, but after a few weeks you’ll find yourself bonding with the people in your group meetings. The common misconception is that AA meetings are dour settings full of tears and sullen self-pity. While these things aren’t bad and certainly have their place, you might be surprised by how fun and lighthearted meetings can be. We deal with the darkness by making jokes and pointing to the lighter side of life.

In the end, your group meetings may not completely replace your old social life, but they will help fill some of the void left by the old friends you can’t see anymore. And if things go well, you may even make a few lasting new friendships at your meetings.

Fun Without Drugs

The most challenging thing about having fun without drugs or alcohol is learning how to get outside of yourself. The feelings associated with early sobriety are often dark and heavy, and it can be difficult to fight through these feelings and lighten up enough to enjoy yourself. In fact, some recovering alcoholics and addicts are so certain they can’t get over their dark feelings that they don’t even try.

But this is the wrong approach. Even if it is difficult to have fun during the early stages, one must trust the recovery program enough to know that it will eventually lead to better feelings. It’s a chicken-egg situation: It’s hard to have fun until you’ve made progress in your recovery, and your recovery will be slow if you don’t learn how to get out and enjoy life on its own terms.

That’s why recovering alcoholics and addicts just have to learn to go through the motions and to get moving even when it seems hard. Even when your mood is dark and cravings keep coming up, you just have to get out there and try. Nine times out of 10, when you force yourself to be active, you’ll be glad you did at the end of the day.

Getting Active

The mood-enhancing properties of physical activity can’t be ignored. Many alcoholics and addicts neglect to take good care of their bodies and don’t exercise as much as they should. Over time, these self-destructive habits only contribute to the downward spiral of addiction.

Now is the time to reverse this downward trajectory, and to get active in a very literal sense. When you make an effort to exercise daily and get fit, you’ll benefit in every conceivable way. The exercise will boost your mood, it will make you feel better about yourself and it will give you a steady increase in confidence over the coming months. With persistence, this will feed your recovery and give you the extra boost of strength you need to keep temptation at bay.

Sober Activities

Any activity can be made into a sober one, but the early stages of recovery are a particularly precarious time. Later on, you may be able to be around drinking people – for example, at sporting events or concerts – but it’s best to avoid such events until you’re a little further along. Here are some drug-free activities that you might enjoy:

• Hiking: Getting out in nature produces a natural high and reconnects us with the fundamental beauty of existence.
• Sports: Recreational sports provide valuable exercise, and they’re also a great way to meet new people.
• Watching movies: Movies provide a welcome distraction from ourselves and our problems, and they give us something to think about.
• Creating and enjoying art and literature: Many recovering alcoholics and addicts find that being creative is a helpful way to channel their feelings. If you have a creative talent that you’ve allowed to languish during your addiction, now is a good time to pick it back up. Meanwhile, visiting galleries and attending readings are stimulating in positive ways.
• Taking classes: Recovery is a time to improve ourselves, and there’s no better way to do this than to learn some new things. Think about something you’d like to learn, whether it be cooking, martial arts, a foreign language or anything you’re interested in, and look up classes in your area.
• Volunteering: Giving back to the community through volunteering helps you get out of yourself and provides a nice mood boost. It’s also a great way to meet positive-minded people.

Methadone is a synthetic opioid that can suppress drug cravings and prevent drug withdrawal syndromes, keeping both the mother and baby safe for the duration of the pregnancy. Methadone can be used during any stage of pregnancy, and should only be administered under close medical supervision at a methadone treatment center or residential treatment facility for drug addiction.

Many women may hesitate to use methadone during pregnancy, believing they are substituting one drug for another. While this may be true, the effects of methadone are much less damaging to a baby than many think.

Here are five misconceptions people have about using methadone during pregnancy:

1. The baby will be born with birth defects or experience developmental problems.

Mothers may be concerned that their children will have learning disabilities, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, decreased intellect or other disorders as a result of being exposed to methadone in utero. But there is no solid scientific evidence of any such negative effects on babies exposed to methadone. In fact, long-term studies have shown no significant effects on babies whose mothers use methadone while pregnant.

For those babies born with birth defects or developmental problems, the drug their mother was addicted to is likely to blame. The most critical period of development for a fetus is during the first trimester, and many women don’t realize they are pregnant at that point. For women addicted to drugs, that means they are still using and engaging in high-risk behaviors during this time, exposing their baby to drugs and their dangerous effects.

By the time pregnant women seek methadone treatment, they are usually in their second trimester, which is the safest time to administer the treatment.

2. The baby will become addicted to methadone.

Babies cannot become addicted to methadone. Addiction is characterized by a psychological and physical dependence on a drug. Because babies are unaware that they are being treated with methadone, they cannot develop anything more than a physical dependence on it. While the baby will likely experience discomfort while detoxing from methadone, they will never remember using the drug.

3. The baby will suffer during methadone withdrawal.

When a pregnant woman uses methadone, so does her baby. And, like an adult who has undergone methadone treatment, the baby will need to go through detox and withdrawal from the drug. While withdrawal is never a pleasant experience, doing so in a controlled environment can lessen the chance that the baby will suffer.

Babies whose mothers are addicted to drugs or use methadone will likely experience Neonatal Withdrawal Syndrome upon birth. Symptoms of the syndrome include rapid breathing, excessive crying, increased muscle tone, sneezing, yawning and gastrointestinal issues.

To ease the symptoms, and to more effectively wean babies off of methadone, a treatment center will stabilize the baby and wean them using a substance such as morphine. Morphine is a short-acting drug that allows babies to be more easily weaned off methadone in about two to three weeks.

What is unsafe is the alternative to not helping a baby withdraw from methadone. If left untreated, a baby will suffer and can experience dehydration, jaundice, diarrhea and seizures.

4. The higher the dosage of methadone, the worse the baby’s withdrawal symptoms.

There is actually no relationship between the strength of the dosage and the severity of a baby’s withdrawal symptoms. Because each person reacts to methadone differently, the determining factor is methadone’s effect on that particular baby.

The goal of methadone is to allow the woman to have an easier time during pregnancy and lessened withdrawal symptoms and drug cravings herself. That may mean upping the dosage as the pregnancy progresses, but women should be aware that that alone will have no effect on her baby’s withdrawal experience.

5. It’s okay to quit methadone cold turkey.

Of course, the best way to ensure a healthy baby and pregnancy is to not use any drugs at all. But for women who are being treated with methadone to get over a more damaging drug addiction, the absolute worst thing they can do is to reduce their dosage or stop use completely. Doing so can induce withdrawal symptoms in the baby and cause an unintended abortion.

Methadone can be used throughout pregnancy, and should be used for as long as the mother feels it is necessary. Through the support of medical staff and therapists at a methadone treatment center or residential treatment facility, women who gave birth will eventually be able to end their use of methadone and learn the skills to lead drug-free lives and raise happy and healthy babies.

But different people have different needs, and alternative approaches are sometimes needed to get people invested in their recovery. Here are just a few of the newer approaches to addiction treatment.

Therapeutic Drumming

Drumming has been used by many cultures throughout history to improve health and well-being. Studies show that drumming can boost the immune system, improve focus and concentration, and produce feelings of calmness and well-being.

The following are some of the benefits of therapeutic drumming:

• Triggers an emotional release that reduces tension and stress and promotes relaxation
• Fosters a sense of purpose and belonging when performed in a group setting, increasing personal accountability and minimizing the tendency of addicts to isolate
• Promotes self-awareness and a mind-body connection that helps addicts focus on the present moment and feel more connected to themselves and others
• Opens the lines of communication by encouraging self-expression in nonverbal ways

Because of its therapeutic benefits, drumming has been used to treat autistic children, teens with emotional and behavioral issues, recovering addicts, and trauma patients. Some wilderness therapy programs also utilize drumming as part of their therapeutic curriculum.

Yoga

Yoga is one way addicts can return to a healthier lifestyle and improve their self-image. Long-term benefits of yoga include increased strength, flexibility and stamina, improved circulation, and better coordination. Yoga also does the following:

• Teaches respect and appreciation for the human body instead of abusing it with chemicals
• Rebuilds the connection between mind and body
• Fosters a sense of calm and focus, keeping people in tune with the present moment rather than the past or future

Adventure Activities

Adventure activities like rock climbing, white water rafting and canoeing can be supportive of sobriety. In addition to offering a “natural high,” these exciting pastimes remind people that being clean and sober can be fun and provide opportunities to challenge themselves and achieve their goals. Scaling a mountain or conquering a fear can be a skill- and confidence-building experience. Some wilderness rehab programs incorporate adventure programming into their therapeutic curriculum.

When combined with traditional substance abuse treatments, these alternative approaches can enhance the process of addiction recovery. These activities can also be healthy distractions and sober pastimes when recovering individuals face drug cravings or triggers to use.

Before the actual event of relapse, a sequence of emotional and psychological changes occurs. You may begin to feel resentful, anxious, angry, defensive, moody, withdrawn or hopeless, or may go back to old habits such as eating and sleeping poorly, working too many hours or hanging out with friends who use.

These are warning signs that your daily life is becoming unmanageable. Often, the relapse process start with small events, which the addict dismisses as something they’re capable of handling. You work through some of the smaller issues but you continue to feel like you’re losing control.

If you can recognize the risk at this stage, you can usually get help and prevent a full-blown relapse. Getting back to what you learned at the start of your recovery, such as using relaxation techniques, going to 12-Step meetings, exercising and eating well, can be enough to keep you on track.

Those who don’t take action in the earliest stage of relapse become increasingly unhappy and may eventually seek ways to escape. At this stage, thoughts about using become more frequent and harder to ignore. Other problematic behaviors may include lying, hanging out with old drug-abusing friends, fantasizing about past drug experiences and making excuses for using again.

The key is figuring out why you use drugs and alcohol and finding healthier ways to cope. Imagine how you’ll feel when you use again and remember all of the negative consequences of using. Be sure to tell someone that you’re struggling to stay clean and get back into a healthy routine by going to 12-Step meetings, spending time with sober friends and keeping busy with activities you enjoy. In the most difficult times, get back into the “one day at a time” mindset so that you’re not so overwhelmed by the prospect of permanent abstinence and surround yourself with support.

If you ignore all of the warning signs, the end result will likely be a return to drug or alcohol use. Although relapse is a normal part of addiction recovery, it is not inevitable. If you’re struggling, get help early on.

The Benefits of 12-Step Meetings

Why do so many recovering addicts and addiction recovery programs swear by the 12 Steps? Because research has shown that the 12-Step approach works. Millions of people have used the 12 Steps to overcome denial, admit their powerlessness, make amends to those they’ve hurt and develop a connection with a higher power.

In addition to being highly effective, 12-Step meetings are free and widely available in cities all over the world. At meetings, people in recovery witness the courage and honesty of others and find those qualities in themselves. They also hear other people’s stories, which helps them overcome denial and feel less alone.

Even if you’ve never been a socialite, people in recovery benefit from spending time with others who have recovered from addiction. Not only can they provide support in moments of temptation, they can also serve as role models who have overcome addiction in their own lives. Seeing the success of others – and knowing that life can still be fun and interesting without drugs or alcohol – may give you hope and confidence that you can do the same.

Seeing the struggles of others in recovery can also be eye-opening. If you’re feeling strong and wondering whether you could start using recreationally after a certain amount of time, you can see how that kind of thinking has led others to relapse.

When drug cravings and temptations arise, the last thing people in recovery need is to be alone. Even a quick phone call or word of encouragement from someone who has been there can make the difference between relapse and one more day of sobriety. The people you meet may even have a few ideas for handling tough situations that you hadn’t considered.

At 12-Step meetings, you won’t feel judged, criticized or ashamed, and you may even begin to feel “normal” again. In a room full of recovering addicts, chances are someone has been where you’ve been before.

Twelve-Step meetings are also a place where complete honesty is welcomed and even expected. If you ever feel unsafe, either emotionally or physically, 12-Step meetings can be a refuge. After a meeting or talking with a sponsor, the craving to use may subside and you may be ready to re-commit to your recovery.

Getting Involved

While the 12 Steps can help anyone in recovery, the usefulness of meetings depends on finding a group that makes you feel comfortable and that is convenient enough that you’ll keep going. The options are endless so keep searching and asking for recommendations until you find a group that you really connect with.

Once you find the right group and feel comfortable, get actively involved rather than just listening. By contributing to the discussion, you can feel the release that comes with sharing your story and also get feedback from others.

If others offer to help, accept their generosity and offer to do the same when you feel ready. This give-and-take exchange is part of the benefit of 12-Step involvement. Beyond general support, you should also get a sponsor who can guide you through the 12 Steps and give you a broader perspective on addiction recovery.

As part of your commitment to recovery, attend meetings regularly and especially at times when you feel most tempted to use drugs or alcohol. Over time, you can attend fewer meetings, but most experts recommend continued involvement both for your own benefit and to help others.

If you need support, the 12 Steps offer a new way of life. Recovery is an opportunity to live a purposeful life in which you choose to be the best person you can be on a daily basis. Rather than going through the motions and letting life pass by, recovering addicts have done the work to discover who they are and what they want out of life.

Although romance and relationships are wonderful, they can be triggers for relapse when they become stressful. For those recovering from alcoholism, the unfortunate reality is that many dating rituals include drinking. Parties, meeting for drinks, going to bars and nightclubs are all fueled by the assumption that alcohol consumption is normal.

According to Brian Duffy, LMHC, LADC-I, the bottom line is that for “[recovering alcoholics], we must learn to have fun, meet others, have sex, [and] fall in love, without the booze. It can be done, and the results will be better and more memorable.”

Here are some ideas for dating sober and meeting people who are like-minded:

• Meet people online who are part of a sober community
• Meet for coffee dates and rediscover the art of conversation
• Take adult education classes
• Plan out your time with other individuals who have similar interests such as running, art, theatre, sports or yoga
• Have people over and entertain, especially if you are more of a homebody but want to remain social
• Become active in your community
• Attend planned activities such as bowling, camping, going to the movies, hiking and BBQs

When you are interested in someone romantically, take things slowly. If this person is supportive and mature, they will applaud your sobriety and accept that recovery takes time and patience. Remember that your decision to get sober and stay sober reveals that you are someone who has the ability to manage your impulses and emotions and who is proactive about what is in your best interest. 

Also, let the person you are dating know that there are ways in which they can help you maintain your sobriety. For instance, they should be able to reach your sponsor since your support network is vital for sustained sobriety, and they should always encourage you to attend your AA or NA meetings. These are only a few examples of what the person you’re dating can do to help you avoid relapse and ensure your continued success on the road to recovery.

According to James E. Royce, S.J., Ph.D., and David Scratchley, Ph.D., alcoholism can be defined as “a chronic primary illness or disorder characterized by some loss of control over drinking, with habituation or addiction to the drug alcohol, or causing interference in any major life function, for example: health, job, family, friends, legal or spiritual.”

Loss of Control

Most alcoholics can take a few drinks without getting drunk, but that does not mean they don’t have a drinking problem. Total loss of control is typically seen in late-stage alcoholics, but a consistent loss of control can be sufficient for diagnosis. The loss of control can be in regard to how much they drink or when they drink, or both. Also, drinking more than intended or drinking at inappropriate times can be sufficient for diagnosis.

Dependence

Chemical dependence can be either psychological or physiological. Psychological dependence typically refers to those who feel discomfort without alcohol even though there is no physical need. Physiological dependence is characterized by increased tolerance, brain changes and withdrawal symptoms. At this stage, people physically need to drink in order to function.

Interference

Another factor in defining alcoholism is whether alcohol interferes with an individual’s normal life. Interference is much more subjective and difficult to quantify, but the interference must be habitual and notable. For instance, if alcohol use results in one argument, that may not be considered interference, but all-out bar brawls are a common and recurring situation, then that would be construed as interference. Just as one DUI may be considered an anomaly, three consecutive DUIs are grounds for arrest and therefore constitute interference.

If any of these descriptions apply to you, it’s time to get help. There are a number of effective treatments for alcoholism, including outpatient programs, residential alcohol addiction treatment and therapy.