Talking to a Loved One about Addiction

No one likes to admit that someone they love might be in trouble. But even though this admission may be difficult, it’s nothing compared to the difficulty your loved ones will face if they really are in trouble and never get the help they need.

If a friend or family member appears to be struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction, you need to talk to them about it. Before you start the conversation, however, here are some things to keep in mind:

Understand the Stigma

Indeed, there is a lot of shame associated with addiction. Few people truly understand addiction, believing the addict simply lacks willpower or that she could stop using drugs whenever she wanted. These myths exacerbate the shame and guilt felt by most addicts.

If you don’t fully understand the issues surrounding addiction, take some time to learn. The better you understand what your loved one is going through, the better you’ll be able to support her.

Express Genuine Concern

When talking with your loved one, begin by expressing genuine concern. Leading with anger or accusations will put your loved one on the defensive, and you’re not likely to move beyond this point. Choose your words carefully. Explain, as clearly as possible, the reasons for your concern.

Be Specific

To the degree that you can, talk about specific situations or behaviors that caused you concern.
General statements such as “You seem to drink a lot” or “You’re always high” aren’t constructive and won’t aid your conversation.

Have Solutions Ready

When you talk with your loved ones, have information about recovery and counseling programs with you. You may not need it, but if loved ones express interest in treatment, you want them to be able to act on that interest right away.

Side note: Few addicts admit to needing help or express a willingness to get help after just one conversation. You will likely have to talk with your loved one several times. Don’t let that discourage you. Understand that it’s simply part of the process.

Believe Recovery Is Possible

Often, addicts resist treatment because they don’t think it will work. But there are countless stories of people who entered recovery programs and remained drug or alcohol free for years, even decades.
Find some of these stories and be prepared to share them with your loved one. Again, be sensitive to your loved one’s response to the suggestion of treatment.

If they’re hostile toward the idea, stories won’t help. If, however, they simply believe that recovery isn’t possible, a story might change their perspective.

Gauge Support Carefully

You want to support and care for a loved one who’s struggling with addiction. But the type of support you offer needs to be carefully considered , and you need to realize that some forms of “support” won’t feel very supporting to your loved one.

If, for example, they are habitually late for work or school, don’t make excuses for them. There’s a fine line between supporting and enabling, and you want to be careful not to cross it.

Regardless of how your first conversation and subsequent discussions go, consider getting some support of your own. Friends and family members of addicts need emotional support that’s unique to their situation.

You are likely to have feelings that range from sadness and sympathy to outright rage toward your loved one. Unless you process those emotions in a healthy way, they will come out in your interactions with your loved one and could permanently damage your relationship.

In addition, getting the support you need will put you in the best possible frame of mind to support your loved one.