Maintaining Your Sobriety While Dating

Dating can be fun, but it can also be daunting, especially when you’re working on your sobriety. If you are wondering whether or not you’re ready to start dating, keep in mind that most recovery programs recommend at least a year of sobriety before entering the dating arena again. 

Although romance and relationships are wonderful, they can be triggers for relapse when they become stressful. For those recovering from alcoholism, the unfortunate reality is that many dating rituals include drinking. Parties, meeting for drinks, going to bars and nightclubs are all fueled by the assumption that alcohol consumption is normal.

According to Brian Duffy, LMHC, LADC-I, the bottom line is that for “[recovering alcoholics], we must learn to have fun, meet others, have sex, [and] fall in love, without the booze. It can be done, and the results will be better and more memorable.”

Here are some ideas for dating sober and meeting people who are like-minded:

• Meet people online who are part of a sober community
• Meet for coffee dates and rediscover the art of conversation
• Take adult education classes
• Plan out your time with other individuals who have similar interests such as running, art, theatre, sports or yoga
• Have people over and entertain, especially if you are more of a homebody but want to remain social
• Become active in your community
• Attend planned activities such as bowling, camping, going to the movies, hiking and BBQs

When you are interested in someone romantically, take things slowly. If this person is supportive and mature, they will applaud your sobriety and accept that recovery takes time and patience. Remember that your decision to get sober and stay sober reveals that you are someone who has the ability to manage your impulses and emotions and who is proactive about what is in your best interest. 

Also, let the person you are dating know that there are ways in which they can help you maintain your sobriety. For instance, they should be able to reach your sponsor since your support network is vital for sustained sobriety, and they should always encourage you to attend your AA or NA meetings. These are only a few examples of what the person you’re dating can do to help you avoid relapse and ensure your continued success on the road to recovery.

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